Gethsemane Out of Death “LIFE”

Its only for a season this too shall pass. Easier said then done. 

Among the unpleasant happenings my Gethsemane this was more then I thought I could bare. Alone, Jesus did I know and yes He lives in me. This was the darkest night I ever faced. It is said it is a place or situation of great mental or spiritual sufferings and torture in one’s life. Jesus experienced anguish as He prayed in the garden He prayed more earnestly and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

I can say this night September the 27th will never be forgotten.  All of sudden I woke up with a panic attack couldn’t breath struggling to find peace I begged God to take what I felt was strangling me away. Did I need to forgive anything I just don’t want to feel this anymore I felt fear, abandonment, betrayal, death as if I was not going to make it through the night. I didn’t sleep at all that night I kept getting up and trying to breath to felt like I was suffocating. Morning came and I was so beside myself I couldn’t even drink coffee it was making my heart race. Make it go away. I just wanted to get through this. Got up got ready to go to my clients. My dear friend knew something was wrong because she said I acted liked I couldn’t breath duh yes. I had already called a friend to ask if she had sold her house yet and she said no. I didn’t even know if I could stay in the condo where I’m living. I felt like it was closing in on me. It was FEAR and it brings torment. He said I want all your strength in exchange for my strength I want you to surrender ok I can so do this. That was what He was after He said I will deal with the enemies of your soul the battle is you trying to do this apart from me. I will part the Red Sea your enemies you will see no longer you will no longer look to or lean on the strength of man. I will take what was wrong and make it right. Ok lets get this done please I’m in great anguish of the soul He sat with me as I wrestled till day light. While at work my clients daughter said are you ok Crystal. Finally someone cared enough to ask. Just because I look like I have it all together and I can handle it. This time He said new way new day. Ok just tell me I will. I sat and cried and cried my dear friend said let it our its ok.. Tears flowed the times I would say I got this square my shoulders and get through it. He in His wisdom says not this time girly this is me my way. I said I cant do this by myself another day. I’m not one to ask for help. Ok I said it. I had come to the place I asked for help from my dear friend. My words were I just need a hug. She said I will be there in a few. She did just that a safe place to land. She came in from being out of town sat down in the floor and let me cry. Now 4 straight hours of crying I was spent. She said lets run errands ok. She had some things she needed to do and didn’t want to leave me alone. We ran the errands and took me to dinner. Her daughter was a jewel she managed to hit the curb at CVS it made me laugh so hard. She was a God sent that day. We returned back to the house I said I want to go home and get pajama’s she said I have some I want you to stay. I really wanted my makeup clean clothes. It was an image thing. I took of to get some sleep. Ten hours later I look up like I had been beaten my face was so swollen my eyes looked like they were sealed shut. I couldn’t stay in the room I had to face my day.  Standing in the bathroom I could hear the Lord say Crystal I hung necked of no reputation and  so will you I want everything even your image. I cant tell you it was easy it was rewarding His presence from that day was so tangible and overwhelming I would say when I was getting ready for work ok you know I cant stay here got to  go to work. I go downstairs she met me and said how are you how did you sleep and gave me a hug. We had coffee and talked about my new day. I was trying to get to the house a friend was meeting me at I had been to for two years. I couldn’t find it I was still so out of it. This was the day of the great exchange. My client said if you need to come back you can. I said I need to go home and face this Fear still tried yet I sat with the comforter of my soul and became more aware of His voice over the enemies through all of this I grew to hear His voice more and more. There will be times all we know will be cut away “pruned” so we can see another face of our God. Renewed Faith, Hope and Love. I will lean back into the loving arms of a beautiful “Father”. Until I see Him face to face I will embrace your love for me more and more. Your more fairer then any son of man. WE have only scratched the surface of your beauty. I will Behold Him.

Prov 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is  a tree of life.

That day He pruned years of self reliance and gave me a peace He has a perfect plan stay faithful and He will fulfill the longing of my heart.

Ps 53:2 God looks down from heaven on the entire human race; He looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God.

2 Chro 16:9 The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

He has all of me. I will embrace the ache of the love sick heart.

My hearts cry is to represent represent Him in all I do and speak.

May we prepare our hearts enter into the bridal chambers and meet with Him.

His BRIDE !!